So I sit here on the eve of Kate's 4th birthday. I just can't believe my baby is turning 4. It feels like just yesterday I was pregnant with her wondering when she was going to make her arrival. I remember sitting with Hannah on this day 4 years ago before Kate arrived and talking to her about having a little sister and how mommy is going to be busy but that I will always have time for cuddling and reading books. And Hannah just sat there (at 20 months) and smiled and then I'm sure asked me to sing a song with her. Just the innocence of a small child having no idea what was about to happen in her life, I wish I could look at the world that way, what freedom.
And then little Kate arrived and life was never the same. Juggling a toddler and a newborn was tough but we all survived and I think did pretty good. And now I will have a 4 year old and an almost 6 year old.
I often think about having a 3 kid. Some days it consumes all my thoughts and other days I might only think about it when I see a baby, but either way I have to make a decision soon because I'm not getting any younger and the kids just keep getting older and I wouldn't want to much of a gap between Kate and the next one. And believe me this is not an easy decision, I have my long list of pros and my long list of cons but some how my heart just yearns for it. But is it enough to follow your heart or does your mind have to win at certain things??? I wish I had the answer.
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